Divine intervention and the racoon

Yesterday was day number 3 of me single-momming it while Matt is at a conference in Florida. He keeps sending me texts like "We are done for the day, so I am going to go have a drink in the lazy-river pool" and "We are going to Maggiano's for dinner tonight." which is of course extremely helpful to me when I am fighting with Meredith for hour number 3 about something! I wish motherhood offered some conferences out of state in a hotel by the pool...and without the kiddos of course!

So, the beginning of day number 3 went something like this...Meredith stumbles out of her room looking hungover, as she does every morning and goes directly to the couch to sit and stare into space for 10 minutes before she can acknowledge anyone. I am feeding Cooper a bottle and make the grave mistake of turning on the tv to try to find some music or something to listen to. This sparks Meredith to BEG to watch Dinosaur Train, and leads to me getting the pleasure of watching a kids tv show while feeding the baby. I should have said no and stuck to our routine of not getting any special priveleges until the "morning chores" are done. Don't worry, I paid dearly for this mistake, and it is not one I will make again soon!

After the delightful episode ends, I say it's time to turn the TV off. Mer whines for a minute, but does it. She then asks if she can play on the computer. I say "We need to eat breakfast, get dressed, brush teeth and make our bed before we can do any other play time. And Nathan and I are going to build with the blocks, do you want to do that with us?" Meredith's response was "I can't get dressed. Whine whine whine, excuse excuse excuse..." I said "Okay, I will help you. Let's go choose an outfit. It's cold today, so we need to wear pants." And thus began the epic battle of the day...She keeps throwing up excuses for why she can't just get dressed, how nothing feels right, etc. I say Okay, I will help you then. She takes this to mean I will dress her, and not wanting to continue to fight, I say okay for today, but you won't earn your sticker for your chore chart if I have to dress you. She lays down and graciously extends a foot to me and says I can start with her sock. I put her sock on her while trying to change the subject to something positive to help her focus on something other than getting dressed. I get one sock on and she punches the bed and screams "I don't know why I have you help me at all, You never do it right. It STILL doesn't feel right. UHHH!"

At this point, I am thinking about boarding schools. Do they have boarding Kindergarten? We navigate that comment and manage to get the socks on and then she fights about the pants. She doesn't like that they touch her feet. (I am thinking and trying to keep calm, but if they don't touch your feet, they aren't PANTS. Those are called shorts. Or capris. She is just completely illogical!) Long story short, we began this battle at 8:30. At 11:15, I was praying for help keeping my cool (I have not yelled at her at all by this point, which makes me very proud.), praying that God gives me the strength to help my daughter learn to do things in a timely matter, praying that He helps guide me to a time when we could actually enjoy eachother instead of fighting every single day. And the word "Racoon" pops into my head. I remember that in my sewing kit I have an iron on patch of a racoon holding some berries that I have moved with me from state to state and had since I was a Junior in high school and I got it to put on my back pack. (Clearly I have been a lifelong procrastinator, because that was 14 years ago!) I get the patch, ask Mer if she wants to help me choose a spot on her jeans for a racoon patch, we choose a spot and the patch (and pants) are on and everyone is happy by 11:30. It only took 3 hours! (We weren't talking about clothes the whole time, there was some cleaning, some pushing her brother, some time of Meredith just following me around the house saying inane things to try to get me to yell at her.)

I truly feel that that silly racoon patch must have been part of God's plan all along in my life, and that I am clearly right where I should be in my life. He must have some big plan that I don't know about, because I am sure that although this fight is just one among MANY that occur in our house these days, He was letting me know that I have support when facing the challenge that is my daughter.

2 other quick thoughts about yesterday...After she was dressed, Mer came up and hugged me and said "Mom, did you know I am smart? Just like a Troodon. They had the biggest brains and were the smartest dinosaurs." At least Dinosaur Train is teaching her something! And after school yesterday, Meredith was right back to being contentious, she informed me that she was NOT going to turn her music down, and I would just have to deal with it. And as she said that, the Serenity Prayer began to play in my head again.

*Sigh*

I need some help, prayers, guidance...I wrote last week about Meredith's homework struggles and everything, and after talking with the pediatrician today about her behavior issues, we are going to take Mere to see a psychologist. I was concerned (and have been for a while) by her completely shutting down if something doesn't go her way, and the fact that she is now so stressed about being perfect and about nothing "feeling comfortable" are signals that she might have some larger issues that we need to deal with. Perhaps some sort of sensory processing disorder, or anxiety issues. Her pediatrician agreed that it is a good idea for us to get this started now, and I did feel better that she felt it was raising some red flags as well, because it made me feel like I am not crazy. However, I am not thrilled that we have to take her to counseling already. (I spent a TON of time in counseling with different family issues from an early age and I was hoping to avoid that with my children. I guess sometimes you can't change things enough from generation to generation.)

Matt is not overly happy about it either, and we both feel that we will do anything we can to help make Meredith happy and successful in life, but we are sad that it is heading this way. Hopefully we can figure out what is going on and help Mere feel more comfortable and at ease. I am sure it's not fun to feel so much pressure to be perfect all the time, even though it is self inflicted. Any words of encouragement or prayers for us as we face another struggle would be much appreciated, sometimes I feel overwhelmed by everything.

They must really like me.

So, this afternoon is the latest in a string of really poor naps for both Cooper and Nathan this week. It's 2:20 and NEITHER of them is asleep, or has been yet for longer than 5 minutes this afternoon. They must not have gotten the memo that while Meredith is at school, I count on them to take a LOOOOOOOOONG nap so that I can do really amazingly fun things, such as load the dishwasher in peace, switch laundry over without Nathan throwing Cheerios into the dryer to "help" me and cut up the raw chicken that Nathan thinks looks like so much fun to touch so that I could possibly get a head start on dinner! I know I make their little lives fun and interesting, but I spend hours playing peek-a-boo and singing Wheels on the Bus for the 768th time so that they will be exhausted and need a break from me. Maybe I should start ignoring them during the day? Nah, I guess that isn't good either. Oh well. It's reassuring to know that they both like me, they really like me!

It's not your thesis! Draw the damn pony!

Meredith at age 5 is the same as Meredith at age 2, 3 and 4. We find her delightful, bright, hilarious, observant, mature, stubborn, challenging and we frequently say "Oh man, if she is this way now we are in SO much trouble when she's a teenager!" Over the last few months we have seen glimpses of the Meredith to come...While playing dolls with me she had one doll say to the other "Okay, Mommy's asleep. Let's sneak out the window and go to the ball!" Meredith was telling me about a friend of hers who's mom wouldn't let her wear lip gloss (I am fine with her wearing lipgloss, just for the record. It might reflect poorly on me as a parent, or you might think that is what is leading to her more grown up tendancies, but I can offer you multiple examples on things that are much bigger issues that I would rather fight. She licks it off in 30 minutes anyway, so I choose not to fight that battle. Not that you were criticizing, I am just saying...) and Mer said "So I am going to bring my lip gloss to school for her and she can put it on in the bathroom and we won't tell her mom. So you can't tell her either, okay?" I quickly pointed out that we don't sneak things to other children that are against the rules for their family, and gave some terrific examples to her on the whole lying subject, but in my head I was thinking "Aren't you just 5? When did you start thinking like a jr. high girl? Brother, are we ever in trouble!"

Soon after Meredith started Kindergarten we started a whole new slew of issues. All of the sudden she says that her shoes don't feel comfortable, her shirt isn't comfortable, she is worried people might not think she is cute enough or pretty enough, she is upset if things aren't "perfect". I am certain that there are many factors contributing to this, but it is hard to deal with anyway. Meredith is having something to do every single day now, and is not getting much quiet time. She stays up talking to herself until late at night, so there is a lack of sleep issue. Getting her to eat any food not entirely of her own choosing is always a struggle, so she sometimes goes to bed without eating a healthy dinner. And, unfortunately her little life has been in more upheavel than many 5 years olds have faced yet. We have always tried to keep things calm for her, but it's hard not to have all the moves, financial stresses etc. reach her.

Last week she had her first homework assignments. She was supposed to put 6 toys in order and describe them to us using first, second, third etc. and then draw a picture for her teacher to show what order she put them in. 2 hours into this assignment, we had almost 1 My Little Pony drawn. Unfortunately Meredith has inherited my pre-disposition to be a planner. If something doesn't go the exact way she has it in her head, you can see her shut down little by little until she is completely unresponsive or hysterically out of control. (She alternates though, just to keep it interesting.) She wanted the markers so she could color the ponies as she drew them. She would not rest until this happened, and then had to find the exact color for each portion of the horse. GiGi had to finish it with her that night after dinner beause Matt and I were going out that night (a rather infrequent occurance that we really looked forward to!) and the next morning I had to complete her final assignment of the week with her.

She had to dictate a sentance about a tool that we use around the house and illustrate it. Her sentance was "My Mommy uses a vacuum cleaner to clean the floors." I made sure we had the markers, paper, pencil and eraser all ready. I grabbed the vacuum cleaner so she could look at it as she was illustrating her sentance. Still, it led to a total and complete melt-down because she was afraid she couldn't draw it perfectly. She cried, begged, pleaded, whined, threatened, and stomped off. She pulled out the big guns with "Mommies are supposed to help us! That's why we have mommies! I need you to draw it for me." I explained that I am helping her. I am sitting here with her. I got the vacuum out for her to look at. I suggested she start by drawing me first. I told her that if I did it for her, that isn't called helping, that is called cheating. We talked about the fact that nobody is perfect, and all we can ever do is try our best. If we don't ever try, we won't know what we are capable of. I explained that art is not something that is exact, that everyone sees things a different way, and that is the beauty of art. She bought none of it. I finally set the timer (amid extremely loud protests) and said that I was available for 20 minutes longer to help with her homework and that after the timer went off I would no longer be available to help. She stormed into her room. At 18 minutes remaining I went to the kitchen to turn the timer off, since she clearly wasn't going to come get me with enought time to finish the assignment. And when I went out there, she was sitting at the kitchen table, and the picture was about 1/2 finished. I don't know when she snuck out to do it, but she managed to draw the most impeccably drawn vacuum cleaner I have ever seen.

Her teacher and I have talked about Meredith's need for perfection, and we are trying to remain consistent in not giving limitless time to complete an assignment. I worry about what it is in her that makes her feel like she constantly needs to be perfect at everything she tries. At this rate she will give herself an ulcer before she hits 2nd grade. One of the blessings and curses that our darling daughter is faced with is that she is so mature it is scary. She doesn't miss a trick and is always wanting to keep herself busy. We want to nurture that desire to be good at things, but let her know that she is good enough for us just as she is. We love and adore her and she delights us so much of the time. She has a lot of little quirks that seem much older than 5 to us (like the fact that she is most definitely NOT a morning person. I have said that she might be the only 3rd grader at the bus stop to need her coffee cup to go!) and we need to remember that at the heart of all the little things that make her Meredith is a sweet little girl who is only 5 years old, no matter how old she acts.

Bubba Bear

Nathan Bear is now 16 months old and we absolutely LOVE our sweet little guy. He is in the Tinkerbell emotional phase, where he feels 100% happy or 100% sad and there's no in between. (Much like his Mama on a regular basis!) He is so smart and understands everything we say, everything we do, and is able to put things together in his head like nobody I have ever seen. He is really terrific at problem solving, which we enjoy watching. Unfortunately what he sees as a problem to be solved is frequently what we see as "childproofing". He somehow just knows that if he pulls a block over it will make him tall enough to reach things, and there is no door in our house that can keep him contained if he wants to get to something. The other day Matt and Meredith were outside killing a humongous spider and left him inside for obvious reasons. He ran to the back door and was crying for about 10 seconds, and then he ran over to the window and climbed up on his chair to see outside so he could figure out what they were doing. The blinds were in his way, so he tried to stand on the back of his chair to reach the cords so he could see out. We thought this was an amazing trick, because he didn't waste any time thinking about it!

Bearsie is off at a full run most of the time now. He loves to play peek a boo and chase people/be chased around the house. He will have full conversations with the vacuum cleaner (which he treats with both curiosity and respect, and occaisionally yells at) and mimics everything we do. He loves to take stuff out of the dishwasher (so helpful) and when he is done playing with something he puts it away without being asked most of the time. (Of course a good portion of his day is still dedicated to moving things from one room to another...Pick up the phone in the bedroom and move it to the kitchen. Pick up the towel in the kitchen and take it to the playroom. Grab the doll stroller and push it into the family room...)We wonder if he will have some OCD issues in the future...He loves to dust and wipe things down with a rag, carries a mop and a broom everywhere he goes, and cleans up without being asked. I took him to Gymboree last Saturday and he spent most of his time picking up whatever the other kids got out.

He is the sweetest little thing I could ever imagine. Nathan spends most of his time running around the house now, but comes back to check in every so often. He gives hugs and kisses and snuggles, and pats us on the head everytime he can reach us. Frequently as I am giving Cooper his bottle Nathan will come lay his head in my lap and pat my leg with his little hand. We had family pictures taken a couple weeks ago and my favorites are of Nathan loving on Meredith. She is so good about loving him right back, even when he pulls her hair or pats a little too hard. (I will post pictures soon, I am getting caught up first!)

Yesterday Nathan started saying a few words, and I swear they were new as of yesterday! He now says "Nana" for banana (duh), "shooos/side" for outside, "waffah" for waffle (anytime he hears the toaster, which cracks us up!), and when he drops anything he says "Hunh oh" for uh-oh. He is truly just a happy kid, and is pretty content to live his little life. He loves dogs a LOT (God bless Toby for being so patient with all the lovies Nathan gives.), loves his big sis and DaDa! (always said with an exclamation mark at the end) and his MaMaMaMaaa. In his little world, life is perfect most of the time. I am happy that's the way he views it.

Sending my little girl out into the world!

So, this is more for me to get it out and down somewhere, but I am feeling reflective these days and thought I would share. Meredith started Kindergarten in August of 2009 and stirred up all sorts of deep thoughts on parenthood, human nature and the inner workings of children's minds. As is always the case with our Mer-Bear, she surprised us on her first day of school. All night the night before she kept saying that she was nervous and that she "wasn't quite sure about if she would like Kindergarten or not." That day, we read books, got dressed, ate lunch, did cute little puppy dog ears (as she calls pig tails) and we were off to school. We met up with Matt in the parking lot so we could walk in together for this momentous occasion. We rounded the corner of the hall leading to her room. At the very end of the hall, Meredith's teacher, Mrs. Gregg, was waiting at the door. Meredith dropped Matt's hand, put both hands on the straps of her backpack and marched right through the door. We tried to say good-bye, but she was too busy hanging up her bag in her cubby (she knew right where to go) and finding something to play with at a table. I called out "Good-bye!" and she didn't even look back. It was very anti-climactic!

Watching my little miss independent march herself into school made me reflect on how she has always been so self-confident. Ever since she could sit up, we have sort of been superfluous to her. When she was 2 1/2 she started the washing machine by herself because her blanket was dirty. I walked in and she was standing on a chair filling the cup with soap, and she acted like this was an every day occurance! We have joked many times that if Meredith could drive herself places and pay her own way, she wouldn't need us any more.

Now that she is in Kindergarten I feel like we have officially transitioned into Meredith living her own life. On a daily basis now she will be coming into contact with people who will impact her life and shape her into who she will become. And sadly, the odds are pretty good that I will not meet (or approve of!) every single one of these people, because I can't shadow her through her life and try to protect her from everything. There is a huge issue of trust sending your child out into the world. I am trusting that other parents will have taught their children how to behave. I am trusting her teachers to give her all the skills she will need in school. I am trusting her bus driver to bring her home safely. I am sending my little girl out into the world and giving her the chance to flap those little wings, and trusting that she will make good choices and return safely to us each afternoon. If I feel this emotional about the beginning of elementary school, how in the world will I feel about it when she goes off to college? I just try to savor the moments I have with her, the morning snuggles, the reading stories, the pretend play and tea parties, and try to be proud of my confident daughter when she says things like "I don't need you to meet me at the bus any more" or tells people who are trying to pressure her to do something she doesn't want to do "You're NOT my mommy OR my daddy, so you can't tell me what to do!" We have done what we could to give her a good foundation during her years of only being around us, and we will enjoy watching her turn into her own person more and more each year.

I hope they are always this nice to eachother!

This morning Nathan was very upset about his lack of communication skills. He was deep into his 15 minute scream, kick, stiffen body and sob routine on the kitchen floor because his go-gurt was gone. (Traumatic, I know.) Meredith has been rather moody and up and down lately, but I was so proud of the way she responded to him. I was feeding Cooper at the kitchen table and she was eating breakfast, and she stopped eating and went over to Nathan and rubbed his back, saying "It's okay little bubba. It's okay. I know, you feel sad right now." He rolled over and stopped crying instantly, putting his head down in her lap and looking up at her. She sat there stroking the side of his head and talking softly to him, and he smiled up at her with so much love in his eyes. They are so sweet together, I hope they will always be this nice to eachother!