My Super-Mom moment

The 5 o'clock rush hit me hard last night. I was trying to fix dinner, help Meredith with her homework, hold Nathan off on eating for another 15 minutes so I could fix dinner, answering the phone twice in the midst of all of this, and trying to get myself ready so that I could be at a PTA meeting right after dinner. I had the thought of just texting Matt to pick up a pizza and then sitting down on the floor crying. (If you can't beat 'em, join 'em, right?) You know that every mother in the world feels this way at some point. (If not, I need to hear your secret! Either that or clearly you have a nanny and a cook.)

So, I picked Nathan up for a snuggle, told Meredith the homework would have to wait for a while and dug deep into my bag of Mommy Tricks. I set them both on the couch and told them I had a surprise for them if they would sit there and be quiet for a minute while I get it ready. They did (thankfully!) and I ran to gather my supplies for my ingenious idea. I grabbed the ironing board and a bucket of cars. I propped one end up on the edge of the hearth and got out 2 cars, then showed the kids how to race them down. They happily entertained themselves for a whole 10 minutes so I could work on dinner.

The ironing board then turned into a stretcher so they could play hospital, a surfboard (cracked me up that they were BOTH pretending to surf!), and an aerobic step so they could work out. It was most definitely one of my finer Super-Mom moments! And let's face it, the ironing board was getting lonely in the laundry room all by itself, and when would I ever use it for it's intended purpose?

The Human Connection

Okay, so here is my sappy moment for the day. I have been reflecting quite a bit lately on the marvel that is connecting with other people. As I get older and more comfortable in my own skin I realize more and more that humans are amazing and wonderful creatures. It astounds me to look at all of the wonderful people in my life who have influenced who I am today, and to watch people drift in and out of my life and the lives around me. I have joked frequently that I "collect" people, because I crave that excitement when you find something in common with someone. I am blessed with many close friends, some of whom I talk with daily, and some of whom I have not talked to in years, but still rely heavily on in thought and spirit. It amazes me how we can form instant connections with people over mutual interests : children, hobbies, people we know, sports, where we went to school etc. Since becoming a mom I have felt and sometimes almost seen that invisible bond that threads mothers everywhere together. That bond is what started me on this thought, actually!

Since we moved to Oklahoma, I have been longing for girlfriends. I miss the mothers at Meredith's old preschool, my neighbor from across the street, old college friends who are now mothers themselves, and my friends from Gymboree. However, today I am writing this because I am thinking of the mom connection that is formed when your children first enter the big world of school. One of my friends from Meredith's school is a performer. (Krista "Funky Mama" Eyler - she rocks!) Her son was in Meredith's class, and used to be the first one to greet Meredith each morning. She was raised in a house right around the corner from where we lived. Each morning as we would rush the kids into school, we would smile and wave to eachother, and occaisionally have a chance for a hurried visit as we rushed off to the events we had planned for that brief 2 1/2 hour period during school. We joked about how we would be in-laws someday, because the kids should get married. In July, 4 months after moving away from the wonderful commeraderie of the Village Preschool moms, Krista was playing at the library in OKC. I had the date on my calendar for months in advance, and as soon as we entered the room, Krista said "MEREDITH!" loudly into the microphone and rushed over for hugs. Meredith gave her a picture she had drawn for Joseph, we rocked out to the concert, and got to talk briefly for a moment while she packed up.

As we left the library that day, amid promises to write and keep in touch (which I still intend to keep, but clearly I am a procrastinator. I have been wanting to write this since July!) I was struck by how special it was to me to see a familiar face. That connection happens in an instant; over a brief joke told by your 4 year old, the memory of a slumber party for a friend in elementary school, having to share a locker with a stranger, or even just knowing that you were at one point living in the same town. These are the ties that bind us to the human race. I am eternally grateful for the knowledge that I have connections to people in this world. I love that facebook, blogs, texting and e-mail can help keep us connected. I truly care about everyone I have had these connecting moments with in my life, and I love getting to hear about what is happening in their day. So thank you to all of my friends, from my very best college friends who know my deepest and darkest thoughts and love me anyway, to the friends I have had in my life since elementary school but for some reason just drifted apart from.Your friendships make me feel valued and loved and I appreciate that we share that human connection! Thanks for making a difference in my life.

Grandpa's visit!

My dad was able to come out and visit for a few days to see the new digs and the kiddos, and we kept him busy! It was great to get to see him, he is such an awesome, terrific, fantastic grandpa. He was always on the floor playing with the kids, making Nathan laugh, listening to Meredith and just generally making everyone feel special. I love my dad!

Since our new house is perfect in every way except for the lack of a guest bedroom, my dad slept in the twin bed in Nathan's room. Unfortunately Nathan is cutting 7 new teeth right now. (Ouch!) He was up all night long the second night my dad was here, screaming bloody murder. We tried all the tricks I have up my sleeve all night long, and eventually little Bear fell asleep on top of me in our bed. Because of the screaming child, nobody slept very well on Thursday night, but my dad was wonderful about helping me survive on Friday.

Saturday we went to the Oklahoma City Bombing Memorial. It is really well done, and we explained it to Meredith as we went through it. She did very well and asked many wonderful questions. I was impressed with how respectful she was of it, and glad that they have a kids area with rescue workers clothing, computers, pictures etc. to help children understand what happened. I'll post more about this later, it was a moving experience. Saturday evening we went ot Stillwater for the OSU/Grambling game and we had a lot of fun there. My dad wore orange and enjoyed being at a college game, and the Grambling band was fun to watch. The football games are better in my opinion when the teams are more evenly matched, it was not very exciting to watch since Grambling is not anywhere close to the Big 12 quality of football. But we all had fun, and Mere and Bear really liked walking around in the stadium. The whole way home my dad and Meredith hung out in the back talking and playing, it was so sweet to listen to them together. Meredith wrote my dad's name, address and phone number down for him, which was funny because until he pointed it out we couldn't tell what it was. She is in the stage of not spacing her words accurately, which is cute to watch!

Sunday morning we got up and headed to the state fair. We watched Matt and Meredith climb the rock wall, ride the ferris wheel, do the fun house, bumper cars and throw darts, and had a great time. There were animals (Nathan sniffs every time he sees any animal, he isn't quite into the sounds they make even though we try! I think it's hilarious because really, when a dog sees him, they do sniff instead of bark!), rides, fried foods (yep, my dad fulfilled his lifelong dream of trying a deep fried twinkie. Nothing special, by the way.) and lots of people watching. We headed home so everyone could nap, and then had a nice family evening at home. My dad is now on his way back to Arizona, and I miss him already.

Divine intervention and the racoon

Yesterday was day number 3 of me single-momming it while Matt is at a conference in Florida. He keeps sending me texts like "We are done for the day, so I am going to go have a drink in the lazy-river pool" and "We are going to Maggiano's for dinner tonight." which is of course extremely helpful to me when I am fighting with Meredith for hour number 3 about something! I wish motherhood offered some conferences out of state in a hotel by the pool...and without the kiddos of course!

So, the beginning of day number 3 went something like this...Meredith stumbles out of her room looking hungover, as she does every morning and goes directly to the couch to sit and stare into space for 10 minutes before she can acknowledge anyone. I am feeding Cooper a bottle and make the grave mistake of turning on the tv to try to find some music or something to listen to. This sparks Meredith to BEG to watch Dinosaur Train, and leads to me getting the pleasure of watching a kids tv show while feeding the baby. I should have said no and stuck to our routine of not getting any special priveleges until the "morning chores" are done. Don't worry, I paid dearly for this mistake, and it is not one I will make again soon!

After the delightful episode ends, I say it's time to turn the TV off. Mer whines for a minute, but does it. She then asks if she can play on the computer. I say "We need to eat breakfast, get dressed, brush teeth and make our bed before we can do any other play time. And Nathan and I are going to build with the blocks, do you want to do that with us?" Meredith's response was "I can't get dressed. Whine whine whine, excuse excuse excuse..." I said "Okay, I will help you. Let's go choose an outfit. It's cold today, so we need to wear pants." And thus began the epic battle of the day...She keeps throwing up excuses for why she can't just get dressed, how nothing feels right, etc. I say Okay, I will help you then. She takes this to mean I will dress her, and not wanting to continue to fight, I say okay for today, but you won't earn your sticker for your chore chart if I have to dress you. She lays down and graciously extends a foot to me and says I can start with her sock. I put her sock on her while trying to change the subject to something positive to help her focus on something other than getting dressed. I get one sock on and she punches the bed and screams "I don't know why I have you help me at all, You never do it right. It STILL doesn't feel right. UHHH!"

At this point, I am thinking about boarding schools. Do they have boarding Kindergarten? We navigate that comment and manage to get the socks on and then she fights about the pants. She doesn't like that they touch her feet. (I am thinking and trying to keep calm, but if they don't touch your feet, they aren't PANTS. Those are called shorts. Or capris. She is just completely illogical!) Long story short, we began this battle at 8:30. At 11:15, I was praying for help keeping my cool (I have not yelled at her at all by this point, which makes me very proud.), praying that God gives me the strength to help my daughter learn to do things in a timely matter, praying that He helps guide me to a time when we could actually enjoy eachother instead of fighting every single day. And the word "Racoon" pops into my head. I remember that in my sewing kit I have an iron on patch of a racoon holding some berries that I have moved with me from state to state and had since I was a Junior in high school and I got it to put on my back pack. (Clearly I have been a lifelong procrastinator, because that was 14 years ago!) I get the patch, ask Mer if she wants to help me choose a spot on her jeans for a racoon patch, we choose a spot and the patch (and pants) are on and everyone is happy by 11:30. It only took 3 hours! (We weren't talking about clothes the whole time, there was some cleaning, some pushing her brother, some time of Meredith just following me around the house saying inane things to try to get me to yell at her.)

I truly feel that that silly racoon patch must have been part of God's plan all along in my life, and that I am clearly right where I should be in my life. He must have some big plan that I don't know about, because I am sure that although this fight is just one among MANY that occur in our house these days, He was letting me know that I have support when facing the challenge that is my daughter.

2 other quick thoughts about yesterday...After she was dressed, Mer came up and hugged me and said "Mom, did you know I am smart? Just like a Troodon. They had the biggest brains and were the smartest dinosaurs." At least Dinosaur Train is teaching her something! And after school yesterday, Meredith was right back to being contentious, she informed me that she was NOT going to turn her music down, and I would just have to deal with it. And as she said that, the Serenity Prayer began to play in my head again.

*Sigh*

I need some help, prayers, guidance...I wrote last week about Meredith's homework struggles and everything, and after talking with the pediatrician today about her behavior issues, we are going to take Mere to see a psychologist. I was concerned (and have been for a while) by her completely shutting down if something doesn't go her way, and the fact that she is now so stressed about being perfect and about nothing "feeling comfortable" are signals that she might have some larger issues that we need to deal with. Perhaps some sort of sensory processing disorder, or anxiety issues. Her pediatrician agreed that it is a good idea for us to get this started now, and I did feel better that she felt it was raising some red flags as well, because it made me feel like I am not crazy. However, I am not thrilled that we have to take her to counseling already. (I spent a TON of time in counseling with different family issues from an early age and I was hoping to avoid that with my children. I guess sometimes you can't change things enough from generation to generation.)

Matt is not overly happy about it either, and we both feel that we will do anything we can to help make Meredith happy and successful in life, but we are sad that it is heading this way. Hopefully we can figure out what is going on and help Mere feel more comfortable and at ease. I am sure it's not fun to feel so much pressure to be perfect all the time, even though it is self inflicted. Any words of encouragement or prayers for us as we face another struggle would be much appreciated, sometimes I feel overwhelmed by everything.

They must really like me.

So, this afternoon is the latest in a string of really poor naps for both Cooper and Nathan this week. It's 2:20 and NEITHER of them is asleep, or has been yet for longer than 5 minutes this afternoon. They must not have gotten the memo that while Meredith is at school, I count on them to take a LOOOOOOOOONG nap so that I can do really amazingly fun things, such as load the dishwasher in peace, switch laundry over without Nathan throwing Cheerios into the dryer to "help" me and cut up the raw chicken that Nathan thinks looks like so much fun to touch so that I could possibly get a head start on dinner! I know I make their little lives fun and interesting, but I spend hours playing peek-a-boo and singing Wheels on the Bus for the 768th time so that they will be exhausted and need a break from me. Maybe I should start ignoring them during the day? Nah, I guess that isn't good either. Oh well. It's reassuring to know that they both like me, they really like me!

It's not your thesis! Draw the damn pony!

Meredith at age 5 is the same as Meredith at age 2, 3 and 4. We find her delightful, bright, hilarious, observant, mature, stubborn, challenging and we frequently say "Oh man, if she is this way now we are in SO much trouble when she's a teenager!" Over the last few months we have seen glimpses of the Meredith to come...While playing dolls with me she had one doll say to the other "Okay, Mommy's asleep. Let's sneak out the window and go to the ball!" Meredith was telling me about a friend of hers who's mom wouldn't let her wear lip gloss (I am fine with her wearing lipgloss, just for the record. It might reflect poorly on me as a parent, or you might think that is what is leading to her more grown up tendancies, but I can offer you multiple examples on things that are much bigger issues that I would rather fight. She licks it off in 30 minutes anyway, so I choose not to fight that battle. Not that you were criticizing, I am just saying...) and Mer said "So I am going to bring my lip gloss to school for her and she can put it on in the bathroom and we won't tell her mom. So you can't tell her either, okay?" I quickly pointed out that we don't sneak things to other children that are against the rules for their family, and gave some terrific examples to her on the whole lying subject, but in my head I was thinking "Aren't you just 5? When did you start thinking like a jr. high girl? Brother, are we ever in trouble!"

Soon after Meredith started Kindergarten we started a whole new slew of issues. All of the sudden she says that her shoes don't feel comfortable, her shirt isn't comfortable, she is worried people might not think she is cute enough or pretty enough, she is upset if things aren't "perfect". I am certain that there are many factors contributing to this, but it is hard to deal with anyway. Meredith is having something to do every single day now, and is not getting much quiet time. She stays up talking to herself until late at night, so there is a lack of sleep issue. Getting her to eat any food not entirely of her own choosing is always a struggle, so she sometimes goes to bed without eating a healthy dinner. And, unfortunately her little life has been in more upheavel than many 5 years olds have faced yet. We have always tried to keep things calm for her, but it's hard not to have all the moves, financial stresses etc. reach her.

Last week she had her first homework assignments. She was supposed to put 6 toys in order and describe them to us using first, second, third etc. and then draw a picture for her teacher to show what order she put them in. 2 hours into this assignment, we had almost 1 My Little Pony drawn. Unfortunately Meredith has inherited my pre-disposition to be a planner. If something doesn't go the exact way she has it in her head, you can see her shut down little by little until she is completely unresponsive or hysterically out of control. (She alternates though, just to keep it interesting.) She wanted the markers so she could color the ponies as she drew them. She would not rest until this happened, and then had to find the exact color for each portion of the horse. GiGi had to finish it with her that night after dinner beause Matt and I were going out that night (a rather infrequent occurance that we really looked forward to!) and the next morning I had to complete her final assignment of the week with her.

She had to dictate a sentance about a tool that we use around the house and illustrate it. Her sentance was "My Mommy uses a vacuum cleaner to clean the floors." I made sure we had the markers, paper, pencil and eraser all ready. I grabbed the vacuum cleaner so she could look at it as she was illustrating her sentance. Still, it led to a total and complete melt-down because she was afraid she couldn't draw it perfectly. She cried, begged, pleaded, whined, threatened, and stomped off. She pulled out the big guns with "Mommies are supposed to help us! That's why we have mommies! I need you to draw it for me." I explained that I am helping her. I am sitting here with her. I got the vacuum out for her to look at. I suggested she start by drawing me first. I told her that if I did it for her, that isn't called helping, that is called cheating. We talked about the fact that nobody is perfect, and all we can ever do is try our best. If we don't ever try, we won't know what we are capable of. I explained that art is not something that is exact, that everyone sees things a different way, and that is the beauty of art. She bought none of it. I finally set the timer (amid extremely loud protests) and said that I was available for 20 minutes longer to help with her homework and that after the timer went off I would no longer be available to help. She stormed into her room. At 18 minutes remaining I went to the kitchen to turn the timer off, since she clearly wasn't going to come get me with enought time to finish the assignment. And when I went out there, she was sitting at the kitchen table, and the picture was about 1/2 finished. I don't know when she snuck out to do it, but she managed to draw the most impeccably drawn vacuum cleaner I have ever seen.

Her teacher and I have talked about Meredith's need for perfection, and we are trying to remain consistent in not giving limitless time to complete an assignment. I worry about what it is in her that makes her feel like she constantly needs to be perfect at everything she tries. At this rate she will give herself an ulcer before she hits 2nd grade. One of the blessings and curses that our darling daughter is faced with is that she is so mature it is scary. She doesn't miss a trick and is always wanting to keep herself busy. We want to nurture that desire to be good at things, but let her know that she is good enough for us just as she is. We love and adore her and she delights us so much of the time. She has a lot of little quirks that seem much older than 5 to us (like the fact that she is most definitely NOT a morning person. I have said that she might be the only 3rd grader at the bus stop to need her coffee cup to go!) and we need to remember that at the heart of all the little things that make her Meredith is a sweet little girl who is only 5 years old, no matter how old she acts.