Swept out to sea...

I haven't posted in a while so I have had all the random thought piling up in my head again that I need to get out! Lately I feel like I have been drowning, I don't know what to do about it. I really need to re-structure my life I guess, because for some reason I seem to require about 36 hours in a day to get everything done. Unfortunately I am limited by the mere 24 that everyone else has as well! I keep picturing what it is like to stand with your feet in the ocean, right at the edge of the surf. The waves of life keep rolling up and sweeping the sand out from under my feet, and I can feel it pulling me and I know it's going to keep taking the sand away but I can't figure out how to slow it down!

This sounds way more dramatic than it probably should, but I am just overwhelmed. The big thing that has changed in my life is that I am taking care of me now, and that was the piece for so long that I left out so I could get everything else done! The things I am doing for me are simple, most of you probably wouldn't even think twice about them. I have started putting lotion on every day. I work out 5-6 days a week, and I am showering on a regular basis. (Yep, I used to go a day or 2 between. Don't judge!) I am taking the time to fix myself a healthy meal 3 times a day instead of just snacking all day long. These are all changes that are supposed to make me feel better, right? But instead I just feel badly for the fact that I don't get the laundry put away, that there is stuff all over our bedroom, and that I haven't made our bed 2 days in a row.

I feel like as a stay at home mom I should be able to keep the house in good shape, interact with my kids, take care of myself, visit with friends, fix healthy food for my family and still be happy most of the time. I wish I could just relax, but it seems that the older I get, the more Type A I become. I also realize that I am not truly a stay at home mom, I am actually a mom, daycare provider, and Gymboree teacher. I work 55 hours a week between watching my nephew and teaching, which is probably part of my issue, because I should have the mentality that I am a working mom instead. (Not that being a stay at home mom is not work, believe me, I understand how difficult that job is!)

Anyway, that's why I am behind on posting again. I love blogging, and I fully wish I made more time to release the thoughts that occupy brain space all day long, but the day only provides me with so many hours. Bummer! Well, I guess if I am being swept out to sea I should at least enjoy the swim, so I am off to wake the kiddos for breakfast...