It's not your thesis! Draw the damn pony!

Meredith at age 5 is the same as Meredith at age 2, 3 and 4. We find her delightful, bright, hilarious, observant, mature, stubborn, challenging and we frequently say "Oh man, if she is this way now we are in SO much trouble when she's a teenager!" Over the last few months we have seen glimpses of the Meredith to come...While playing dolls with me she had one doll say to the other "Okay, Mommy's asleep. Let's sneak out the window and go to the ball!" Meredith was telling me about a friend of hers who's mom wouldn't let her wear lip gloss (I am fine with her wearing lipgloss, just for the record. It might reflect poorly on me as a parent, or you might think that is what is leading to her more grown up tendancies, but I can offer you multiple examples on things that are much bigger issues that I would rather fight. She licks it off in 30 minutes anyway, so I choose not to fight that battle. Not that you were criticizing, I am just saying...) and Mer said "So I am going to bring my lip gloss to school for her and she can put it on in the bathroom and we won't tell her mom. So you can't tell her either, okay?" I quickly pointed out that we don't sneak things to other children that are against the rules for their family, and gave some terrific examples to her on the whole lying subject, but in my head I was thinking "Aren't you just 5? When did you start thinking like a jr. high girl? Brother, are we ever in trouble!"

Soon after Meredith started Kindergarten we started a whole new slew of issues. All of the sudden she says that her shoes don't feel comfortable, her shirt isn't comfortable, she is worried people might not think she is cute enough or pretty enough, she is upset if things aren't "perfect". I am certain that there are many factors contributing to this, but it is hard to deal with anyway. Meredith is having something to do every single day now, and is not getting much quiet time. She stays up talking to herself until late at night, so there is a lack of sleep issue. Getting her to eat any food not entirely of her own choosing is always a struggle, so she sometimes goes to bed without eating a healthy dinner. And, unfortunately her little life has been in more upheavel than many 5 years olds have faced yet. We have always tried to keep things calm for her, but it's hard not to have all the moves, financial stresses etc. reach her.

Last week she had her first homework assignments. She was supposed to put 6 toys in order and describe them to us using first, second, third etc. and then draw a picture for her teacher to show what order she put them in. 2 hours into this assignment, we had almost 1 My Little Pony drawn. Unfortunately Meredith has inherited my pre-disposition to be a planner. If something doesn't go the exact way she has it in her head, you can see her shut down little by little until she is completely unresponsive or hysterically out of control. (She alternates though, just to keep it interesting.) She wanted the markers so she could color the ponies as she drew them. She would not rest until this happened, and then had to find the exact color for each portion of the horse. GiGi had to finish it with her that night after dinner beause Matt and I were going out that night (a rather infrequent occurance that we really looked forward to!) and the next morning I had to complete her final assignment of the week with her.

She had to dictate a sentance about a tool that we use around the house and illustrate it. Her sentance was "My Mommy uses a vacuum cleaner to clean the floors." I made sure we had the markers, paper, pencil and eraser all ready. I grabbed the vacuum cleaner so she could look at it as she was illustrating her sentance. Still, it led to a total and complete melt-down because she was afraid she couldn't draw it perfectly. She cried, begged, pleaded, whined, threatened, and stomped off. She pulled out the big guns with "Mommies are supposed to help us! That's why we have mommies! I need you to draw it for me." I explained that I am helping her. I am sitting here with her. I got the vacuum out for her to look at. I suggested she start by drawing me first. I told her that if I did it for her, that isn't called helping, that is called cheating. We talked about the fact that nobody is perfect, and all we can ever do is try our best. If we don't ever try, we won't know what we are capable of. I explained that art is not something that is exact, that everyone sees things a different way, and that is the beauty of art. She bought none of it. I finally set the timer (amid extremely loud protests) and said that I was available for 20 minutes longer to help with her homework and that after the timer went off I would no longer be available to help. She stormed into her room. At 18 minutes remaining I went to the kitchen to turn the timer off, since she clearly wasn't going to come get me with enought time to finish the assignment. And when I went out there, she was sitting at the kitchen table, and the picture was about 1/2 finished. I don't know when she snuck out to do it, but she managed to draw the most impeccably drawn vacuum cleaner I have ever seen.

Her teacher and I have talked about Meredith's need for perfection, and we are trying to remain consistent in not giving limitless time to complete an assignment. I worry about what it is in her that makes her feel like she constantly needs to be perfect at everything she tries. At this rate she will give herself an ulcer before she hits 2nd grade. One of the blessings and curses that our darling daughter is faced with is that she is so mature it is scary. She doesn't miss a trick and is always wanting to keep herself busy. We want to nurture that desire to be good at things, but let her know that she is good enough for us just as she is. We love and adore her and she delights us so much of the time. She has a lot of little quirks that seem much older than 5 to us (like the fact that she is most definitely NOT a morning person. I have said that she might be the only 3rd grader at the bus stop to need her coffee cup to go!) and we need to remember that at the heart of all the little things that make her Meredith is a sweet little girl who is only 5 years old, no matter how old she acts.